It’s OK not to KNOW – I didn’t!

Denise Holland Conscious States, Mental Health, Professional Development Leave a Comment

One of the most fascinating parts of my work is the initial conversation with a prospective client?

You dance with the possibility that you may or may not have it all covered?

You consider, is there something here of any value or not?

For a split second you reflect – am I on the right track, do I have the latest data, innovative ideas, methodologies or strategies?

Are we functioning at optimum levels of performance?

You work incredibly hard, devote ‘thousands of hours’ to the cause, give it your all – ‘surely I haven’t overlooked anything – have I?

(Although I’ve spent 20 years competing and working in the field of sport, I’ve come to realize that all human beings no matter what the field, from time to time can get lost in low ‘states of mind’, suffer anxiety, depression, under-achieve and even burn-out. My work now, therefore, is not limited to sport; it extends to the world of business, police, education and addiction, basically all areas of life).

I might write an article and place it on the web site, post something on Facebook, or LinkedIn, or simply tweet a few words. Something will resonate with you, and you’ll get in touch.

Or I may simply meet you at an event and we’d start chatting!

Either way, there is an initial conversation, which may start out with any number of statements:

  • ‘Tell me more about what it is you do’?
  • ‘You see Denise, I’ve just got no motivation for my work at all, can you help me with this’?
  • ‘I have no idea what you’re up to but it sounds interesting, tell me more?’
  • ‘You look so well, what’s going on with you’?
  • ‘Human Performance is very intrinsic to my work; I’d be interested to hear how you can improve this’?
  • ‘All I need to do is, wait another 3 weeks until this is healed, then I can get running again, and once that happens, I’ll be back on track, don’t you agree’?
  • ‘So Denise, how do you think you can help our young drivers’?
  • ‘Look, I’d love for us to be ready for this, but how could I possibly explain this to my team’?
  •  I so want you to help my son, but how do I get him to agree to meet you?

At this point, I have no idea what will become of the conversation. To be honest, I’ve learned that I don’t need to know. I’m not really interested in whether you’ll be a client or not, what’s important to me is that something I’ve tried to convey has touched you and this has the potential to transform your life!

What can be more beautiful and rewarding than to connect with another human being.  You see something insightfully, its new and fresh, like a toddler learning to ride a bike for the first time.  It makes such an impact, the initial problem or difficult decision simply doesn’t look the same any more.

That’s what sets this work apart from any form of self-help, or personal development. I’m not interested in you simply getting a new perspective ON the problem or goal; I’m interested in how your relationship to the so-called problem or goal changes, how it dissolves leaving you with a clear mind, a peaceful feeling and access to the infinite possibility of new Thought to address the FACTS – more about facts later.

So back to the point of the article, it’s OK not to know, not to have a clue about what I’m pointing to – it’s quite normal. As we connect, get quiet beneath all the head noise, you may become moved to the extent that no matter how uncomfortable it feels to your personal mind (ego), something deep inside of you signals you to ‘stay in the conversation’.

How is it that some people are more open than others,to seeing something entirely new, not only about their concerns but also about their beliefs, preferences, and values? Basically, I have no idea?

I just love it when people are up for the possibility of hearing something they don’t already know/see – I’m not talking intellectually!

When it happened to me, my ego went kicking and screaming, it still does – I’m seeing anew every single day. I was completely shocked about this new paradigm, no actually upset, as my dear friend and author Dr Jack Pransky titles his book – ‘Someone should have told us! – (Simple Truths for Living Well).

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Albert Einstein: ‘You can’t solve a problem with the thinking that created it’.

In this field, we call this realisation, a shift in consciousness or understanding, but in real simple terms it’s like the moment you get a joke, you ‘see’ beyond the words to a deeper knowing.

I’ve always been fascinated about getting jokes, as I’m one of those people who look around at everyone laughing and then go pink, as I simply don’t ‘get it’.

Well, what if life was a bit like that? What if there is something about your experience as a human being, you innocently don’t understand?

It’s OK not to KNOW!

What if, when you saw this something new, (you get the joke) about the human experience, you start to enjoy your living minutes, no matter what you’re doing or who you’re with – you experience real freedom (spirit) for the game of life!

Following an amazing yet sometimes grueling career as National Coach for (Scotland) Netball, just when I wasn’t looking, I stumbled across the vital missing ingredient to human performance – I’d been searching for years!

I worked alongside the most knowledgeable national coaches in the UK, we explored the cutting edge of elite sport, but still something fundamental to performance was missing; the fact that human beings experience different states of mind – in and out of conscious states all day long. No individual reality is permanent or transportable through time. All experiences are created from the power of Thought, in the moment, and are transitory and fluid.

WOW – really? The implications are phenomenal – this changes everything!

When you ask me to help you with a particular issue, decision, or goal – I don’t dismiss the content of your thinking out of hand.

In that moment it feels real and compelling to you, but as we settle down and connect on a deeper level, you get a glimpse of the fact that there are umpteen levels of consciousness and therefore many ways to experience the same circumstances. The world you live in then becomes a very different place.

It’s quite normal for people to think they KNOW what it is they want help with; you know what’s bothering you right? You know exactly what’s keeping you up at night?

Don’t get me wrong it does feel real your entire sensory system engages relative to your current ‘state of mind’. For me, I experience tight shoulders, and a slightly asthmatic chest when I get lost over-thinking something. The difference is, now that I have an understanding of how ‘thought creates feeling‘, I know it will pass.

I don’t take my experiences so seriously anymore – it’s part of the game of life to be lived and loved not suffered!

The wonderful thing about this work is that I get to show clients the nature of experience.

“Throughout time, human beings have experienced insights that spontaneously and completely changed their behaviour and their lives, bringing them happiness they previously had thought impossible’ – The Missing Link – Sydney Banks.

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Yes but…….these things are happening outside in the world, I must deal with them, if I don’t who will?

The most common ‘yes but’ I hear is about the physical, practical elements of a person’s circumstance. We can call these the FACTS (you’ll notice no meaning, no judgement, no emotion here, just the facts):

The competition is in 12 weeks and I’m not running yet.

 My boss now sits in on everything I deliver.

My doctor says, I need to slow down and take more rest.

I’m not suggesting these circumstances are not real, they for sure do exist in the world of form. Your experience of them, however, is transitory and arbitrary as it’s created via your use of the power of Thought.

Your relationship to your thinking about the facts is determined by your understanding of how life works – how you operate as a human being. 

It’s OK not to KNOW and be open to hearing something new.

It’s OK not to want to KNOW and not be open to hearing something new.

Either is fine. What I know to be true, is that, as a human being you’re way more than your thinking anyway!

I hope you’ve enjoyed the article. If anything resonates, do get in touch and share your insights – I’d love to hear from you.

Love Denise

PS:

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Denise Holland

About Denise Holland

When you’re involved in sport for any length of time, you know at some point you’ll face disappointment. When I was National Netball Coach for Scotland, I had one of these critical moments back in 2012. We had a pivotal competition coming up on our schedule, and the stars were aligned for greatness. Learn more...
Denise HollandIt’s OK not to KNOW – I didn’t!

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